I watched Schindlers list today for the.... well honestly uncountable number of times. I am always amazed with the power of that one man, what an amazing man who did amazing things!! Today though I was impressed with something else. What amazing women the Nazi party had, I know it's a strange thing to think about but in College I took a class called Women in Nazi History and I learned so much!!
While Hitler was in prison writing his insane book Nein Kompf the men that had previously followed him walked away and it was the women who continued to follow him and bring other men into the beliefs! HOW POWERFUL WERE THEY!!! IF they were that powerful think about how much more powerful we can be. I am not sure if they realized what they were signing up for, I want to think that they didn't really have a clue but that would be silly of me (I like to think the best in people a lot of the times). Even if they did know they had amazing power, do you think they felt powerful? Do you think they felt like me most of the time, just a stay at home mom who makes lunches for her kids and tries to save a penny every way she can?
I hardly ever feel powerful. I am a mom of 4 kids, going through my 2 custody battle with an ex-husband and my husband jobs takes us places we might not want to go, not to mention the army can make you feel pretty powerless over your own life sometimes! I rarely feel like I impact much outside of my trash can which has to be impacted by the stink that comes from my kids diapers/wipes. I question my job skills all the time, if I am a good cook, if I am really doing right by my kids, if I am spending enough quality time with my husband, if God even picked the right kids for me because they are way to amazing to be mine! Ever day I feel weak, but these women who didn't know their power, started one of the most powerful things this world had ever seen. We as women have that power, daily we have the power to build up the world or take it down! The power of our words, of our actions, of my simple ability to smile or say sorry.... these are life changing things for someone!!
I am powerful, I am beautiful and I am amazing! Not because the Nazi women were but because my God made me to be all of these things and the devil told me I wasn't so I believe him over my God. How silly of me, to let the king of lies tell me more lies, daily lies, daily tear me down!! Today, I am taking my power back (no Dad that doesn't mean the remote control though that's what you call it) and I am deciding to believe and put faith in myself and my God. If you are reading this and feel the same way as I have, I have a beautiful book for you to read (I have read it once and still forget everything I learned from it, yeah I am bull headed!) it's called Captivating, cause God finds us Captivating!
God would have made a sunset even if you were the only one there to look at it, just to share the beauty with you cause he finds you that amazing, cause he believes and loves you that much! You are powerful ladies, powerful and beautiful and CAPTIVATING!!! Tomorrow I am going to wake up and remind myself of that, I will try to remind myself every day after. When I forget though, God will throw something in my way to remind me I am sure cause I am his!!
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Valentines!!
Today is Valentines day and I am excited!!!!!!! Just look at all the exclamation points, how could I not be excited!!
Seriously I love Valentines day but I have kids so making there day awesome is so much fun! I sucked at it this morning though!! My kindergartener didn't want to look for her stockings for her school uniform and REFUSED to get ready. Of course like any self respected mother I kept calm and dealt with the situation with grace..... NOT!!! I was so angry!! She refused to look for her stockings (which I found directly in front of her when I went to go look) and refused to look for her skirt (which I found on her 7 year old sister, don't ask why I have no clue and didn't want to ask her myself!). I had made a really cute breakfast of strawberry syrup and greek yogurt for them and they couldn't even enjoy it cause some little person refuses to find her clothes.
I am not sure how she was supposed to find them on her sister if I am honest, it makes no sense and I know that, but still she needed to act like an adult and.... yep that was my mistake. My poor 5 year old beautiful little girl isn't an adult, heaven knows I never want her to be. Such a mom fail morning!! Good news is we recovered and had a nice little walk to school, of course Mommy said sorry and my baby said she loved me and would lay her clothes out tonight like she is supposed to. *sigh*
The rest of our day will be so much better!! We have 2 school parties to go to and of course the kids (all 4 I am sure) will consume way to much sugar from the school and love every second of it! How can anyone not love valentines day when they have kids? I try to do things every day to show my kids they are special but today.... it's all about my babies!! My husband of course will get presents too but he is grown up and we had date night last weekend thanks to an amazing neighbor who loves on our kids and would watch them in a heart beat for us!
So Happy Valentines Day, I hope your morning was better then mine and that your evening is just as good if not better!!
Seriously I love Valentines day but I have kids so making there day awesome is so much fun! I sucked at it this morning though!! My kindergartener didn't want to look for her stockings for her school uniform and REFUSED to get ready. Of course like any self respected mother I kept calm and dealt with the situation with grace..... NOT!!! I was so angry!! She refused to look for her stockings (which I found directly in front of her when I went to go look) and refused to look for her skirt (which I found on her 7 year old sister, don't ask why I have no clue and didn't want to ask her myself!). I had made a really cute breakfast of strawberry syrup and greek yogurt for them and they couldn't even enjoy it cause some little person refuses to find her clothes.
I am not sure how she was supposed to find them on her sister if I am honest, it makes no sense and I know that, but still she needed to act like an adult and.... yep that was my mistake. My poor 5 year old beautiful little girl isn't an adult, heaven knows I never want her to be. Such a mom fail morning!! Good news is we recovered and had a nice little walk to school, of course Mommy said sorry and my baby said she loved me and would lay her clothes out tonight like she is supposed to. *sigh*
The rest of our day will be so much better!! We have 2 school parties to go to and of course the kids (all 4 I am sure) will consume way to much sugar from the school and love every second of it! How can anyone not love valentines day when they have kids? I try to do things every day to show my kids they are special but today.... it's all about my babies!! My husband of course will get presents too but he is grown up and we had date night last weekend thanks to an amazing neighbor who loves on our kids and would watch them in a heart beat for us!
So Happy Valentines Day, I hope your morning was better then mine and that your evening is just as good if not better!!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
It's been a while since I have done the blogging thing, I don't know it's one of those times in my life when I think "Why does anyone really need to hear the horrid things I am going through!" I am sure there is a reason for all of this. Maybe it's to tell people or maybe it's just to learn my lesson and go from there. I am banking on the fact that all of this isn't just because it sounds like a fun lesson, it's gotta be right?!?
So, my amazing husband (who on a regular basis I take for granted) is leaving on March 3rd to go ahead of us and be at our new duty station. GA here we come, maybe. The problem is, I have 2 girls from a previous marriage and I have to petition the courts to take them with me because their dad wont just let them go. Their dad, who I know has every right in the world to say he doesn't want his kids to move, is an every other weekend dad. The girls teachers have never heard from him, they thought my husband was their dad since both of them call him dad and their bio dad they call Josh, he has never showed up to a dance class, a dr's apt or anything at all unless he can show them off like dance recitals (not even our daughters preschool graduation). He doesn't call them during the week or the weekend he doesn't have them, they will go almost 2 weeks without a word until they see him again. So, because of me having to go to the courts, we have something called a PRE who is looking into our lives and will decide where the girls go. I am nervous, ever so nervous! I had no idea I could be so insecure about how I am as a mom until the PRE came around.
I have literally questioned everything I do since this lady came into the picture. Am I doing the right thing by sending them lunch to school? should I even be letting them buy lunch from school? Are they dressed warm enough even though they have hats, gloves a 3 in 1 coat, pants, snow boots and a scarf? My 5 year old is gluten intolerant and am I doing the right thing by doing her food this way, I mean you can't really diagnosis the problem and her dad always feeds her gluten cause he thinks it's something I make up. Am I to protective? Not protective enough? Should they be folding their own laundry? do we have to make choirs? I had no idea that one person coming into my life like this could make it so confusing and make me feel so lost!
What I have discovered though is that if this person can't see everything I do for my kids then they aren't looking hard enough. I live and breath for my babies, from early in the morning when they wake to doing exercise (like dancing) that they can do with me so it's a fun activity, dance class and even crossing guard at school so I know they are safe. They are my life and without them I would be lost. I am the most amazing mom I know how to be and that is good enough, it's what God has called me to be and what my kids demand of me. I fail every day but at least I learn, get back up and admit that I am not perfect.
It's kinda funny, I am sitting her typing all of this in tears. It's ok, they are healing. I don't like not knowing what will happen but at least I know it's not really up to this lady to decide. My God is so big and he knows what will happen and has a perfect plan in place for it to work out for his favor. Now if I can just remember that every day I would be better off!
So, my amazing husband (who on a regular basis I take for granted) is leaving on March 3rd to go ahead of us and be at our new duty station. GA here we come, maybe. The problem is, I have 2 girls from a previous marriage and I have to petition the courts to take them with me because their dad wont just let them go. Their dad, who I know has every right in the world to say he doesn't want his kids to move, is an every other weekend dad. The girls teachers have never heard from him, they thought my husband was their dad since both of them call him dad and their bio dad they call Josh, he has never showed up to a dance class, a dr's apt or anything at all unless he can show them off like dance recitals (not even our daughters preschool graduation). He doesn't call them during the week or the weekend he doesn't have them, they will go almost 2 weeks without a word until they see him again. So, because of me having to go to the courts, we have something called a PRE who is looking into our lives and will decide where the girls go. I am nervous, ever so nervous! I had no idea I could be so insecure about how I am as a mom until the PRE came around.
I have literally questioned everything I do since this lady came into the picture. Am I doing the right thing by sending them lunch to school? should I even be letting them buy lunch from school? Are they dressed warm enough even though they have hats, gloves a 3 in 1 coat, pants, snow boots and a scarf? My 5 year old is gluten intolerant and am I doing the right thing by doing her food this way, I mean you can't really diagnosis the problem and her dad always feeds her gluten cause he thinks it's something I make up. Am I to protective? Not protective enough? Should they be folding their own laundry? do we have to make choirs? I had no idea that one person coming into my life like this could make it so confusing and make me feel so lost!
What I have discovered though is that if this person can't see everything I do for my kids then they aren't looking hard enough. I live and breath for my babies, from early in the morning when they wake to doing exercise (like dancing) that they can do with me so it's a fun activity, dance class and even crossing guard at school so I know they are safe. They are my life and without them I would be lost. I am the most amazing mom I know how to be and that is good enough, it's what God has called me to be and what my kids demand of me. I fail every day but at least I learn, get back up and admit that I am not perfect.
It's kinda funny, I am sitting her typing all of this in tears. It's ok, they are healing. I don't like not knowing what will happen but at least I know it's not really up to this lady to decide. My God is so big and he knows what will happen and has a perfect plan in place for it to work out for his favor. Now if I can just remember that every day I would be better off!
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