It's been a while since I have done the blogging thing, I don't know it's one of those times in my life when I think "Why does anyone really need to hear the horrid things I am going through!" I am sure there is a reason for all of this. Maybe it's to tell people or maybe it's just to learn my lesson and go from there. I am banking on the fact that all of this isn't just because it sounds like a fun lesson, it's gotta be right?!?

So, my amazing husband (who on a regular basis I take for granted) is leaving on March 3rd to go ahead of us and be at our new duty station. GA here we come, maybe. The problem is, I have 2 girls from a previous marriage and I have to petition the courts to take them with me because their dad wont just let them go. Their dad, who I know has every right in the world to say he doesn't want his kids to move, is an every other weekend dad. The girls teachers have never heard from him, they thought my husband was their dad since both of them call him dad and their bio dad they call Josh, he has never showed up to a dance class, a dr's apt or anything at all unless he can show them off like dance recitals (not even our daughters preschool graduation). He doesn't call them during the week or the weekend he doesn't have them, they will go almost 2 weeks without a word until they see him again. So, because of me having to go to the courts, we have something called a PRE who is looking into our lives and will decide where the girls go. I am nervous, ever so nervous! I had no idea I could be so insecure about how I am as a mom until the PRE came around.

I have literally questioned everything I do since this lady came into the picture. Am I doing the right thing by sending them lunch to school? should I even be letting them buy lunch from school? Are they dressed warm enough even though they have hats, gloves a 3 in 1 coat, pants, snow boots and a scarf? My 5 year old is gluten intolerant and am I doing the right thing by doing her food this way, I mean you can't really diagnosis the problem and her dad always feeds her gluten cause he thinks it's something I make up. Am I to protective? Not protective enough? Should they be folding their own laundry? do we have to make choirs? I had no idea that one person coming into my life like this could make it so confusing and make me feel so lost!

What I have discovered though is that if this person can't see everything I do for my kids then they aren't looking hard enough. I live and breath for my babies, from early in the morning when they wake to doing exercise (like dancing) that they can do with me so it's a fun activity, dance class and even crossing guard at school so I know they are safe. They are my life and without them I would be lost. I am the most amazing mom I know how to be and that is good enough, it's what God has called me to be and what my kids demand of me. I fail every day but at least I learn, get back up and admit that I am not perfect.

It's kinda funny, I am sitting her typing all of this in tears. It's ok, they are healing. I don't like not knowing what will happen but at least I know it's not really up to this lady to decide. My God is so big and he knows what will happen and has a perfect plan in place for it to work out for his favor. Now if I can just remember that every day I would be better off!